ProjectGutenberg › Music~AllLiesBand › TheoryAndKnowledge › ScienceCommunication › SamsungSmartTvSdkInstall › WhyTheChickenCrossTheRoad
Contents
- 1. Why the chicken cross the road?
- 1.1. Douglas Adams
- 1.2. Aristotle
- 1.3. Roseanne Barr
- 1.4. Roland Barthes
- 1.5. Brak, of Space Ghost
- 1.6. Buddha
- 1.7. George Bush
- 1.8. Julius Caesar
- 1.9. Candide
- 1.10. Bill the Cat
- 1.11. Noam Chomsky
- 1.12. Andrew Dice Clay
- 1.13. Joseph Conrad
- 1.14. Howard Cosell
- 1.15. Salvador Dali
- 1.16. Darwin
- 1.17. Thomas Dequincy
- 1.18. Jacques Derrida
- 1.19. Jacques Derrida (in a contending discourse)
- 1.20. Rene Descartes
- 1.21. Emily Dickinson
- 1.22. Bob Dylan
- 1.23. Albert Einstein
- 1.24. TS Eliot
- 1.25. TS Eliot (revisited)
- 1.26. Ralph Waldo Emerson
- 1.27. Epicurus
- 1.28. Paul Erdos
- 1.29. Basil Fawlty
- 1.30. Gerald R. Ford
- 1.31. Michel Foucault
- 1.32. Sigmund Freud
- 1.33. Robert Frost
- 1.34. Zsa Zsa Gabor
- 1.35. Gilligan
- 1.36. Johann Friedrich von Goethe
- 1.37. Stephen Jay Gould
- 1.38. Ernest Hemingway
- 1.39. Werner Heisenberg
- 1.40. Hippocrates
- 1.41. Adolf Hitler
- 1.42. David Hume
- 1.43. Saddam Hussein
- 1.44. Lee Iacocca
- 1.45. Lyndon Johnson
- 1.46. John Paul Jones
- 1.47. James Joyce
- 1.48. James Joyce
- 1.49. Leopold Bloom
- 1.50. Molly Bloom
- 1.51. Carl Jung
- 1.52. Immanuel Kant
- 1.53. Martin Luther King
- 1.54. James Tiberius Kirk
- 1.55. Jacques Lacan
- 1.56. Stan Laurel
- 1.57. Timothy Leary
- 1.58. Leda
- 1.59. Gottfried Von Leibniz
- 1.60. Machiavelli
- 1.61. Paul de Man
- 1.62. Paul de Man (uncovered after his death)
- 1.63. Groucho Marx
- 1.64. Karl Marx
- 1.65. Also Karl Marx
- 1.66. Katherine McKinnon
- 1.67. Gregor Mendel
- 1.68. John Milton
- 1.69. Eddie Murphy
- 1.70. Alfred E. Neumann
- 1.71. Sir Isaac Newton
- 1.72. Moses
- 1.73. Jack Nicholson
- 1.74. Nietzsche
- 1.75. Oliver North
- 1.76. Camille Paglia
- 1.77. Thomas Paine
- 1.78. Michael Palin
- 1.79. Wolfgang Pauli
- 1.80. Plato
- 1.81. Pyrrho the Skeptic
- 1.82. Ayn Rand
- 1.83. Ronald Reagan
- 1.84. Jean-Paul Sartre
- 1.85. B.F. Skinner
- 1.86. John Sununu
- 1.87. The Sphinx
- 1.88. Joseph Stalin
- 1.89. Georg Friedrich Riemann
- 1.90. Mr. Scott
- 1.91. William Shakespeare
- 1.92. Sisyphus
- 1.93. Socrates
- 1.94. Mr. T
- 1.95. Brad Templeton (Moderator of Rec.humor.funny)
- 1.96. Margaret Thatcher
- 1.97. Dylan Thomas
- 1.98. Henry David Thoreau
- 1.99. Thomas de Torquemada
- 1.100. Mark Twain
- 1.101. George Washington
- 1.102. Mae West
- 1.103. Walt Whitman
- 1.104. Ludwig Wittgenstein
- 1.105. William Wordsworth
- 1.106. Malcom X
- 1.107. Molly Yard
- 1.108. Henny Youngman
- 1.109. Zeno of Elea
1.5. Brak, of Space Ghost ¶
- Well, it wasn't a road, it was a path at the chicken farm, and he was just wandering around.
1.11. Noam Chomsky ¶
- The chicken didn't exactly cross the road. As of 1994, something like 99.8% of all US chickens reaching maturity that year had spent 82% of their lives in confinement. The living conditions in most chicken coops break every international law ever written, and some, particularly the ones for chickens bound for slaughter, border on inhumane. My point is, they had no chance to cross the road (unless you count the ride to the supermarket). Even if one or two have crossed roads for whatever reason, most never get a chance. Of course, this is not what we are told. Instead, we see chickens happily dancing around on Sesame Street and Foster Farms commercials where chickens are not only crossing roads, but driving trucks (incidentally, Foster Farms is owned by the same people who own the Foster Freeze chain, a subsidiary of the dairy industry). Anyway, ... (Chomsky continues for 32 pages. For the full text of his answer, contact Odonian Press)
1.14. Howard Cosell ¶
- It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
1.18. Jacques Derrida ¶
- Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is dead.
1.19. Jacques Derrida (in a contending discourse) ¶
- What is the *difference?* The chicken was merely deferring from one side of the road to other. And how do we get the idea of the chicken in the first place? Does it exist outside of language?
1.23. Albert Einstein ¶
- Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
1.31. Michel Foucault ¶
- It did so because the discourse of crossing the road left it no choice-the police state was oppressing it.
1.32. Sigmund Freud ¶
- The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich.
1.34. Zsa Zsa Gabor ¶
- It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which, thank goodness, are good, dahling.
1.35. Gilligan ¶
- The traffic started getting rough; ===
- the chicken had to cross. ===
- If not for the plumage of its peerless tail ===
- the chicken would be lost, ===
- the chicken would be lost!
1.37. Stephen Jay Gould ¶
- It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.
1.39. Werner Heisenberg ¶
- We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
1.43. Saddam Hussein ¶
- This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
1.47. James Joyce ¶
- Once upon a time a nicens little chicken named baby tuckoo crossed the road and met a moocow coming down...
1.49. Leopold Bloom ¶
- Wonder why chickens cross roads. Must be some law. Migration maybe. Mrs Marion Bloom.
1.50. Molly Bloom ¶
- the chicken crossed the road well Poldy I dont know why why do you worry about such stupid bloody things O speaking of stupid bloody things here it comes again damn it its only been three weeks I wonder is there something wrong with me yes
1.51. Carl Jung ¶
- The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
1.58. Leda ¶
- Are you sure it wasn't Zeus dressed up as a chicken? He's into that kind of thing, you know.
1.59. Gottfried Von Leibniz ¶
- In this best of all possible worlds, the road was made for it to cross.
1.60. Machiavelli ¶
- So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
1.61. Paul de Man ¶
- The chicken did not really cross the road because one sideand the other are not really opposites in the first place.
1.62. Paul de Man (uncovered after his death) ¶
- So no one would find out it wrote for a collaborationist Belgian newspaper during the early years of World War II.
1.63. Groucho Marx ¶
- Chicken? What's all this talk about a chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.
1.66. Katherine McKinnon ¶
- Because, in this patriarchial state, for the last four centuries, men have applied their principles of justice in determining how chickens should be cared for, their language has demeaned the identity of the chicken, their technology and trucks have decided how and where chickens will be distributed, their science has become the basis for what chickens eat, their sense of humor has provided the framework for this joke, their art and film have given us our perception of chicken life, their lust for flesh has has made the chicken the most consumed animal in the US, and their legal system has left the chicken with no other recourse.
1.71. Sir Isaac Newton ¶
- Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
1.72. Moses ¶
- Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road, and therefore the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own preservation.
1.76. Camille Paglia ¶
- It was drawn by the subconscious chthonian power of the feminine which men can never understand, to cross the road and focus itself on its task. Hens are not capable of doing this- their minds do not work that way. Feminism tries vainly to pretend there is no real difference between them, falsely following Rousseau. But de Sade has proved....
1.82. Ayn Rand ¶
- It was crossing the road *because of its own rational choice to do so*. There cannot be a collective unconscious; desires are unique to each individual.
1.84. Jean-Paul Sartre ¶
- In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
1.85. B.F. Skinner ¶
- Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
1.86. John Sununu ¶
- The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
1.90. Mr. Scott ¶
- 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain!
1.91. William Shakespeare ¶
- I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy about it without much ado.
1.95. Brad Templeton (Moderator of Rec.humor.funny) ¶
- Do you think I have time to answer questions like that? I'm not a riddle-answering service. Anyway, I've heard it before.
1.101. George Washington ¶
- Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776. But most history books don't reveal that I bunked with a birdie during the duration.